6/13/22

JoyDrops…

today they’re not coming easily…

actually…there are more tear drops lately. One reason I started this writing was to share a bit of myself and to be real with the hope that my being real would help or encourage someone else in their tear drop days to find some joy drops. 

We are in the midst of moving. Our house has been for sale since the end of April. I know right?!? In this market? Well, we seem to have missed the bubble and are in a price bracket that just isn’t moving right now…and I’m losing hope. We have a new place to move to that will be ready soon, we really thought this would have all happened by now and were hoping to be moved and settled before our bonus son Brian’s wedding to Hailee in mid July. It’s just not looking like that will happen…Today our realtor held an open house and 2 people came through, and one of those was a pre-requested showing. Anyway…the market is what it is and I keep being reassured that our home is beautiful and will sell, but I’m having a hard time leaning into Jesus’ time line here. 

There are a lot of other moving parts and right now life is just a lot…I want to feel like I have a place to call home but this house on Star Pass isn’t feeling that way anymore. Once I got done with the deep clean and purge to get it listed I think I allowed myself to “let it go”.   So, this house isn’t feeling like our home anymore, and our new home is all a mess inside and not ready for us, and my classroom is all packed up and there really just isn’t a place for me to be home… We spend each night (except one per week) at the farm with mom for supper but that still doesn’t feel like my home…

I keep telling myself that my home, my steady, my place to just be is really not a place with 4 walls and a roof, it’s leaning into Jesus and trusting Him as my place to be home…He and I, in my mind, spend a lot of time on a porch swing when I’m praying, but I can’t even seem to find a place for that porch swing to hang lately. 

It’s almost like I’m standing in the middle of a field of gravel spinning in circles and not ever finding a place to focus my eyes so I’m constantly dizzy and out of control. 

This isn’t an easy thing for me to admit, for me to speak outloud, but right now, I think writing it and sharing it might help me process through it and find my focus point. Maybe my writing is that focus point right now….maybe that’s home right now and maybe that’s why I felt pushed to begin the blog yesterday. 

There…see…a joy drop in the tear drops. I am always able to come up with one or two if I write long enough and process through, but some days, like today, those couple joy drops get so swept up in the high tide of the tear drops it’s hard to keep focused on them. 

So…since today home is on my heart I was thinking about some of the things that have brought me joy about our home on Star Pass…my lilacs, our fireplace and the unbelievable sunsets God paints on Star Pass. I will miss those things, they brought me joy. Of course all of our kids being here brought me joy, but today I’m focused on the concrete THINGS that would bring me joy…

Our new home isn’t ready for us yet… but the other day I got to get a little sneak peak and this new sink, which is stainless and I swore I’d never have stainless again…, but look at how fun it is! There are so many fun little accessories that I actually got excited! I started picturing myself working here and looking out the window above and finding new THINGS to bring me joy…

joy drops today…

lilacs

fireplaces

sunsets on Star Pass

sinks and gadgets

and my writing…

tonight, writing and working through the tear drops, once again helped me find the joy drops. They may not keep my focus long, but for the moment, for right now, they are bringing me joy. There is some hope that I will find home again. That, even in the temporary tear drop high tide, there are drops of joy that splatter and shine so I can take note…and be reminded that in the midst of all of the everything…glimmering splatters of hope and joy are there just waiting for me to focus. 

tonight I’m trying to focus away from the high tide and find the splatters and the shiny joy drops…I’m trying… and in some of those drops I see that…

God is good. 

All the Time. 

even in the tear drop high tide. 

even when I cannot focus. 

even always.