JoyDrops

originally posted 2-26-22

Reposted 12-5-23

Tear drops…

Today, after a good bit of crying, I was challenged by a dear sweet sister to get real with myself. I am not sure I’m ready for the real today, but I will be honest about not finding any joy drops today. Every part of today was a different-heavy-low-swaying branch of a willow tree. A willow tree that had never been tended to or trimmed. A willow tree that felt every single different, heavy, low, swaying emotion – and became it.

When I was little my best friend Annette lived a couple houses down from me. I spent a lot – I mean a LOT – of time there. Each time I walked up the street to her house a willow that hadn’t been tended to or trimmed welcomed me…every time…sometimes the heavy, low, swaying branches were dense and often drew me in to the heavy. I didn’t shy away from dodging the drooping branches and finding a root bench that was waiting for me. It was quiet in there and I wasn’t easily found…

Annette would finally come looking and I’d be found…We’d spend hours each summer day pretending to be Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer on an island trying to survive and somehow escape…We’d grab onto the strong low branches and jump from the waiting root benches to swing over to the big pink rock on the other side of the shallow ditch- which we fully believed was the deepest fiercest river ever!

Today was willow tree heavy. My branches needed some tending to…they welcomed me and drew me in to sway low and heavily today. The tear drops filled the ditch and flooded it – I just couldn’t seem to grab on and swing over to the other side today.

Getting real with myself isn’t easy or fun. I’d much rather stay in the drooping heavy branches and get comfy on the waiting for me root bench. The hard work is never easy and hurts for a while and I would much rather stay on the waiting root bench. I want to be angry with my friends who spoke truth to me today but I can’t, because they have become my waiting root bench…I have my people that love me and want better for me so they tend to me and lighten the heavy. And when the tending to happens the heavy becomes lighter, the low pops up higher and the sway swoops up and over…the drooping and the dodging and the hiding aren’t as friendly and welcoming because the tending to and the lightness lift me over…eventually.

Eventually isn’t yet. The river is flowing too fiercely yet to swing over. The branches are still a bit too heavy to lift me over…I want to believe that river will settle, that the low and the heavy and the dense will lift…my history proves it to me, but my tear drops add to the fiercely flowing river and keep me here. It will go down eventually- and then I’ll grab on and swoop up and over…eventually

For now, I’m here on the waiting root bench…waiting. Waiting and getting real and waiting some more for my Jesus to push back the dense drooping heavy…

phot credit: unknown (but it sure looks like our Huck Finn Willow from Annette’s front yard!)